XS650 vs. Soccer mom

[bikermandg]

I was riding my Xs650 on State street in my home town when I caught a red light, and much to my chagrin, stopped right beside me was the dreaded soccer mom in a Town & Country mini van with three kids all drinking slurpies and hanging out of the windows. My worst fear in this life is that I will leave this earth after being center punched by a soccer mom in a mini van. So when the light changed to green, I launched away in a cloud of tire smoke, valve clatter and muffler noise that could be heard almost to Walmart. When the front tire came back down, I banged second gear, but she was right beside me talking on her cel phone and drinking a slurpie. I banged third gear and took the XS650 to red line, but she was still beside me and now she was talking on the cel phone and putting on lipstick. Fourth gear found us well involved and over the speed limit, the telephone poles were starting to look like a picket fence, but she was still there beside me, talking on the stupid cel phone and putting a slap attack on one of the kids. Fifth gear and she was still there in the left lane, and we were neck and neck heading toward the edge of town and the soccer field. Then it hit me, she had to be in my lane to make a right turn into the soccer field !! At that moment I saw her turn signal out of the corner of my eye...I figured I'm dead meat, so I went into my best racers tuck and prayed to Mama Yama for 200 more rpm's. She nailed the brakes, swung in behind me just missing my tail light and skidded into the entrance of the soccer field with dust flying, kids screaming and slurpies going in every which direction. As I reached the edge of town and the city limits I chanced a look back, and she had her arm out the window with her middle finger pointed up in the air. I can only assume from that, she thinks I'm number one !!! Bikerman

[grizld1]

What? Matched in a drag by a minivan?! Take a trip out here to God's Country with that scoot and spend some time with me, B'man. We'll hang some stuff from my stash on that scoot of yours and dial it all in righteously, and that kind of humiliation will be nothing more than a bad and very distant memory. I mean it--no charge for whatever goodies I got on hand, and a good time as compensation for labor. You've gone the extra mile for other guys, tracking down solutions for 'em, and it's high time somebody did something for you. A well-tuned XS shoulda put that megacage an eighth-mile back before it hit third!

[bikermandg]

Thanks for the offer Griz ! The mini van was a strong runner, and she wasn't afraid to use it ! I wrote the artical a couple of years ago based on an incident that actually happened to me, however I may have used poetic license and embellished somewhat for the sake of humor. I'm not afraid to poke fun at myself and my XS650 for a good laugh. I posted the artical on several forums to which I belong and got mixed reviews. Some thought it was a very funny artical and one member asked my permission to use on another forum. But when I posted it on the V-Star forum, there were those who very quickly put me down saying I should be banned from the forum and most certainly banned from riding ever again. They even went as far as to say that it is people like me who give bikers a bad rep., and that I endangered way too many people during the course of my ride. They got their panties in a bunch and the forum nearly turned into a lynch mob. It remains a tongue in cheek artical aimed at a bit of humor. ;D
The Bikerman

[grizld1]

I know, I know! But one good leg-pullin' deserves another. Still, the offer's sincere. Back in the bad ole days when many assumed that anybody on two wheels was a punk who oughtta be run over on sight, I used to carry a few golf balls to drop on the road for types like Ms. Megacage. A couple of those bouncin' all over would change their outlook fast--not that I'd suggest that one should even consider using such a device to escape a roadraged Yuppie moron in these more civilized times; might give us a bad reputation or something....

[brandojunior]

Back in my chopper days I wanted to put steel plates on the bottom of my boots so if someone was tailgating i could give them a spark show...read that the crazies did that in the 70s...It should be a law that people need to relax when driving eh?

[coolpoolnorm]

I'm laffin my butt off at that idea, Brando! I should "Liberate" some Titanium sheet from work and do that - steel gives off nice yellow sparks, but titanium gives off BRIGHT white sparks. It would be quite a show - especially at night! I know I'd slam on my brakes if I saw some poor bugger start giving off a stream of "white-hot" sparks in the middle of the road.

[angus67]

yeah they look out for golf balls and sparks, but screw the deaedbeat biker, lets flatten him, Ive got to get to the salon.

[jbl302]

bikerman, some people are just no fun, I myself have been shot at, cussed at, fists shaken at me and the finger given to me many a time. I loved every minute of it.